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Meltdowns While Playing Sports: When Fun becomes Anything but Fun by Dr. Marvin ©

Following are some reasons people give regarding why they engage in recreational activities:

  • I like to compete against others.
  • I like to compete with myself by pushing myself to enhance my performance.
  • I look better if I exercise.
  • I feel better if I exercise.
  • It's boring just sitting around the house.
  • I like the social aspects of sports.
  • I like to do things with my family so we play tennis doubles.
  • I play sports to get a break from my family.

Outward warning signs that you are not having fun include:

  • Banging your tennis racket
  • Golf club in pond
  • "Slammin' under the boards"
  • "Ty Cobb-like" slide into the shortstop
  • Cursing
  • Yelling at a scoring official

Meltdowns: What is so bad about having a bad attitude?

  • You deprive yourself of an opportunity to have fun.
  • You play worse because of the self-imposed negative thinking distractions.
  • The stress you subject yourself to is unhealthy.
  • Others will not want to play with you.
  • Communicating "I'm losing it!" encourages your opposition to perceive higher competence in themselves, thus inspiring them to "turn it up a notch " and hence, kick your #%*@!
  • By having a bad attitude, you are a bad mentor to your kids.
  • Observers will conclude that you have massive psychological problems.

"Internal ballistic" signs that you are not having fun include:

1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: Looking at things in black and white categories.

Example - "I am a totally worthless tennis player because I can't do anything right."

Healthy Correction - "I'm starting off in a serving slump, but my backhand is effective. I can get over this and relax if I am not so hard on myself."

2. OVERGENERALIZATION: Viewing a negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat.

Example - "Everytime I play this hole, I shoot 6 over par."

Healthy Correction - "This is a tough hole for me. Especially when I give up before I even try. I can learn from my mistakes."

3. MENTAL FILTER: Dwelling on the negative while ignoring the positive.

Example - "I'm having a lousy time fishing today. I only caught 2 fish and they were not keepers."

Healthy Correction - "The fish are not biting today, but it's still nice to be out here on the water."

4. DISCOUNTING : Believing that your acccomplishments or positive qualities do not count.

Example - "I really don 't deserve a trophy because I didn't play a major role in our team winning."

Healthy Correction - "I didn't play my best today, but I did contribute to the victory. Plus, I am having a productive season."

5. MIND READING: Assuming that people view you negatively.

Example - "Everybody at the club probably thinks that I'm the worst player here."

Healthy Correction - " I'm my worst critic. I just started playing this sport, so I'm not going to look like a professional. I'm here to have fun, not to impress people."

6. EMOTIONAL REASONING: Negative reasoning from negative feelings.

Example - "I feel discouraged so I must be incompetent ."

Healthy Correction - "I'm feeling discouraged by my lack of progess. I still want to learn how to play better, however. I'll focus on realistic goals."

7. BLAME: Owning too much or too little responsibility.

Example - "I would not have thrown my racket had my childhood been better."

Healthy Correction - "When I don't meet my expectations, I get mad. If I handle my anger better I can stay focused."

8. LABELLING: Assigning a negative descriptor in summing yourself up when you make a mistake."

Example - "I'm an %$@%*"

Healthy Correction - "I'm disappointed with my level of play today, but getting negative is distracting and unhelpful to my performance. I will keep my cool and focus so that I can play as well as I know I can."

RULES FOR PARENTS

  1. Remember that your child is the athletic participant!
  2. The goal of spending money on lessons and equipment is an investment in the psychological and physical development of your child. Only in rare exceptions does one become a professional athlete.
  3. Be aware of your facial expressions and other body language during your child's sporting event. Perceived negativity and disapproval from you can provoke poor self-worth (& hence, poor performance) in your child.
  4. Do not overreact to your kid's loss. Losing can be a hard hit to self-esteem. So, do not pile it on.
  5. Address strengths and weaknesses. Be supportive. Be realistic in your encouragement. Losing a contest is an opportunity to learn and set realistic and achievable goals.

Pay attention to negative thoughts about yourself the next time you set out to have fun. Your beliefs set in motion a chain that impacts your feelings and ultimately, your behavior. Give me a call at 858.565-0066, x4 if you are having difficulty experiencing fun and/or your talent potential.

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